I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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