Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
