I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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