so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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