The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
