Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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