I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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