And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
