i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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