arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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