I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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