Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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