Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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