I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
