Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
