How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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