it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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