I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
