Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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