Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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