so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
