we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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