I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
