there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
