but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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