also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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