i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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