Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
