Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
