Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
