Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
