dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
