How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
