went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
