I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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