my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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