it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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