Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
