You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
