So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
