Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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