This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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