She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
