Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
