operation harelip BJ is a go
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
