i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
