My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
