I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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