i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
