there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
