i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
