dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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