Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
