She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
