I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
