Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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