And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
