when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
