Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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