Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
