Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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