Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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