She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
