If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you never un-have a 4some
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize