my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
