This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
